How often have you heard a child complain, “But that’s not fair! He always gets his own way”? Although it is difficult for parents to admit that they do not love all their children alike, that would be an impossible situation. You cannot love all your children alike. I have made some parents quite angry with me by insisting on that. They want to believe that if they have three children, they see them all alike, love them all alike and feel they are all equal. But that is just not the way life is.
Favoritism not only occurs in the stepfamily situation where a parent favors a biological child over a stepchild, but also occurs in first families when a child can be given preferential treatment based purely on gender. Parental favoritism not only affects the children, but also causes conflict within the parents’ relationship. Some parents (particulary in the Filipino family) are giving preferential treatment to a child when they are just treating them differently according to their individual personalities and interests.” It will lead to a rift that will be deepened over the years. The child might feel that he is increasingly rejected, so he would be hated his favored brother or sister. A neglected child might have to compete for his father or mother’s affection.
According to Dr Caron Goode, Inspirational Speaker and Author of Help Kids Cope with Stress & Trauma says, “Favored children tend to have better self esteem, yet can also be spoiled and manipulative. These children may think the world owes them a living. On the other hand, with healthy self-esteem, they could tend to be high achievers and do well. Disfavored children tend to have lower self-esteem, which can either make them try harder or give up too easily. Trying to please is one of the characteristics that might make them either compliant or rebellious. It can go either way, depending upon the temperament of the child.”
As parents we all like to think we treat our kids equally. No preferential treatment to one, but parents are also human beings. We may not noticed it but we tend to favor the child who is more affectionate, more "malambing" and obedient. Even siblings differ in personalities and temperament. Parents need to make a conscious effort not to make it obvious that he/she favors one over the other. A child's feeling of self-worth starts at HOME.
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